tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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