Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
