i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
