I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
