i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
