I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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