So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
