Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She told me I should be a condom model.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
