Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
