What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
