I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He passed out mid-signature
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
