Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
