I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize