the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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