i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
