The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
