you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
