During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Brb crying the tears of my youth
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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