I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
