i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
