Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
