sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
