If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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