I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
