someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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