hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
