her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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