your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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