Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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