the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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