I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
