Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
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We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
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Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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