So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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