tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
