his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
