I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
