Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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