My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
