we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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