sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
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Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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