My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
