I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
