my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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