god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
