My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
