he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
