let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
