Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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