i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
