My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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