She said her name was "party"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
