You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
