True but thats because hes a fetus.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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