I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
