I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
