Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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