just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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