I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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