Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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