How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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