sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
