I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
