I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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