So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
