Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
