I seem to have left my pride at pride
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
