Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
